Grapefruktskal & Skivfodral

"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to."

"He's like a man with a fork in a world of soup."

"I love America. I gotta say that. But America will be judged.

"Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny."

"Stupidity is the basic building block of the universe.""

"Tobacco is my favorite vegetable."

"There is no hell. There is only France."

"It is always advisable to be a loser if you cannot become a winner."

"A mind is like a parachute. It doesnt work if it's not open."

"If we can't be free at least we can be cheap."

"You can't be a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER."

"There will never be a nuclear war; there's too much real estate involved."

"Consider for a moment any beauty in the name Ralph."

"Why do you necessarily have to be wrong just because a few million people think you are?"

"You drank beer, you played golf, you watched football - WE EVOLVED!"

Interviewer: "So X, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?"

X: "You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?"

"Without deviation from the norm, 'progress' is not possible."

"Hey, you know something people? I'm not black, but there's a whole lots a times I wish I could say I'm not white."

"Most people wouldn't know good music if it came up and bit them in the ass."

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life."

"May your shit come to life and kiss you on the face."

"Let's not be too rough on our own ignorance, it's what makes America great."

"Remember there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over."